well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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