A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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