you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
