thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
