Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
