Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Even my vagina gasped.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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