I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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