chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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