I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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