I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize