those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
