; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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