Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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