I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
