Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
