I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
