She's JV to your varsity
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
