Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
