Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
we made out on top of his cat.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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