he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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