I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
