I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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