True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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