Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
