Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
