Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
