I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
