Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Mom said you looked used
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
