I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
