Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
