god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
