she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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