so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
