so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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