A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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