Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
