i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
