I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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