honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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