Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
