that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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