I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
