yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
