i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
