p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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