i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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