He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
