Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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