Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
