if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
