my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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