You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
