so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
