no, he came in my armpit
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
