do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
