i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
