apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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