he shaved USA in his pubs
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
