somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
