If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
