I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize