If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
