it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
