I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
