screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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