Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
