I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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