My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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