I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
