walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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