some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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