I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize