The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
